i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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