with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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