I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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