New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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