There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
