I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
