By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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