i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
