like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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