My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i out mim tonsoeep
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
