I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
