I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
