First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
