just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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