I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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