Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
