The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
