I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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