hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
