Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
