She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
