My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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