apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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