No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
