I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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