Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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