i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
