Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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