North Korea, Best Korea!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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