you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
