Umm I'm too high to move.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
