You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i think i have herpe
just one?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
