Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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