I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
