my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
