i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
