He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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