im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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