is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
