I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
