the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
