My room smells like vodka and shame
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
