I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
