You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
