i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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