The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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