I'm really into asian looking animals
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Your penis caused this!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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