If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
