My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
