On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
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