I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
