Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
