How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
