took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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