i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
